


I Can’t Lose You

by supercorpangst (orphan_account)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-29 00:44:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21145955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/supercorpangst
Summary: For over two years Kara Danvers has been keeping the biggest secret of her life from her best friend, Lena Luthor. Kara trusts Lena with all she's got. She just couldn't tell her that she is indeed Supergirl. Nor could she tell her about something else too.





	1. Chapter 1

"Knock knock!" Kara said with excitement in her voice, "Sorry to come unannounced. I wanted to see you.. needed to see you in fact." 

"Kara.. it's no problem! It's so nice to see you!" Lena replied softly and with a huge smile on her face. 

"I brought big belly burger, I know you're working till late again, I expect you haven't ate yet. That's not good you know? You're a workaholic" Kara exclaimed jokingly. 

"I just need to get this work done, it's going to drive me insane otherwise. As soon as it's done the more time I get to spend with my best friend" 

Kara developed a huge grin on her face after the comment Lena just made. Lena was important to Kara and vice versa. Kara stood up and walked to the couch in Lena's office, she sat down and started doing work of her own for CatCo, but within five minutes, she had passed out. 

Lena looked over and just laughed to herself, she thought that Kara looked adorable, sleeping and even when she wasn't sleeping. Either way, she was adorable. Lena just let Kara be and tried to do things as quietly as possible. She didn't want to wake her. About 25 minutes had passed and Lena had finally finished the mountain of work which she had on her desk. 

Once she finished clearing up and gathering her things, including Kara's she woke Kara up, it was about quarter to 11 in the evening. She wasn't going to let Kara walk home alone, instead she helped Kara get up from the couch and walked her to the elevator. 

"Kara, you're coming home with me, I hope you know that. There's no way in hell I'm letting you walk home alone."

Kara was just confused, she didn't know what was going on, she was still just waking up from the 20 minute nap she had. Which was quite funny actually. Whatever Lena had said to Kara, she just allowed it. 

"Yup. Okay. Whatever you say goes, Ms Lena Kieran Luthor" 

Lena's driver was waiting for her, Lena walked to the car with Kara and the driver took her back to her penthouse. It took a while to get up the stairs with Kara being sleepy (as usual) but they eventually got there. 

Lena laid Kara down on her bed and helped her take off her coat, she grabbed an oversized t-shirt and some jogging bottoms for Kara to wear, Lena left Kara changed whilst she had a shower. Once Lena finished up, she walked into her bedroom to see Kara passed out on her queen size bed. All she could do was smile. 

Lena tiptoed over to Kara and had taken her glasses off, and put them on the side of her bedside counter, she had also very slowly grabbed the duvet and slightly placed it over Kara. After that, Lena then laid beside Kara, and had fallen asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up with a wave of confusion. I didn't know my surroundings; I was in a place I had never been before. It was very modern, white closet, en-suite, all you could imagine. It was beautiful. I had then just realise I didn't have her glasses on, quickly I panicked. I grabbed them and chucked them on. Phew. I breathed in and smelt the most beautiful smell. They were flowers. I sat up and glanced at them, they were on the table next to the bed. Within not even 5 seconds, Lena walked in. 

"Hey you. Finally awake huh?" Lena said whilst chuckling. 

"Yeah, finally." Kara replied, slowly. "So how long have you been strolling around for? You seem.." was all I managed to let out before Lena cut her off.

"Motivated? Energetic? Happy?" 

"Yeah, those three exactly" I laughed. Seeing Lena happy was all I ever wanted, she had gone through so much in her life and I just want her to get the happy ending she deserves. I mean, she's my best friend, she's someone I love so dearly, I'd give the whole world for her to get her happy ending. Who wouldn't?

"Hey Lena. Those flowers are beautiful." 

"They're called plumerias. They're pretty rare."

"Do you know what else is rare, Lena?"

Lena looked back at me with confusion.

"I.. I actually forgot. Don't worry"

Lena chuckled at what I had just said.

LENAS POV

About 30 minutes had passed and they were eating breakfast. Kara had plate after plate. I was gobsmacked at how much Kara ate, although I found it adorable. There's so much I love about Kara, she's my favourite person.

Kara and I have been best friends for nearly 3 years. I've got nothing to hide from her, I'm honest with her all the time. Sometimes it crosses my mind if she's honest with me. I mean, sure, people can have secrets but for some reason it would destroy me if she kept something big from me. 

My thoughts were cut off by Kara's phone buzzing. 

"Lena I should get going. James needs me." She informed her.

"Yeah of course, I'll give you a ride" I replied.


	3. Chapter 3

KARAS POV

"James! You needed me?" I asked.

"I need to ask you something. If that's okay?" 

"Yes of course! What does Mr Olsen need to know?" 

"Do you like Lena? Like, more than a friend?" James replied. 

I just stood there with no emotion in my face. What?! James just asked me if I like Lena. In that way. More of a friend way.. 

"I'm sorry it's just, you guys and your.. don't worry." 

"Our what?"

"Gay undertones, Kara." 

I just stood there and burst out laughing. "What? I'm not gay. Just because Lena is doesn't mean I am. We don't have.. what was it? Gay undertones?" I responded 

"We're just friends James. Nothing more. I.. I have to go. I have better things to do."

As soon as I got out of his office Lena was standing there waiting for me. And that's when I started questioning if James knew about me liking her. I may of said that I'm not gay. But why would I want anyone to know? My sister and Lena lost loads of people coming out. I guess I'm just a coward and I don't want to lose people. 

LENAS POV

"Kara? Is everything okay? You look upset and paranoid" I asked, worriedly.

"Uh yeah. Everything's fine. I just.. can we talk?" She asked.

I nodded. I was confused, we were fine this morning. What changed in the past 5 minutes with James which made her want to talk?

Kara took me into some kind of alley way, I'd never seen this before. 

"Look Kara, you're starting to worry me. What happened with James?" I asked.

"He thinks I'm gay. Ugh, this is horrible and confusing and stressful. I don't want anyone to know! What do I do?" She responded.

"Kara it's not a bad thing that you are, it's okay to be gay. Why does he think that anyways?"

"I know that, Lena. My best friend and my sister are gay. And I don't know, he said the gay undertones between us. But there are none.. right?"

I froze, I never really thought about that. Kara is my best friend. I am hers. "Uh well no, I mean, why would there be?" 

"I don't know, Lena. I'm just panicking about it, I don't want people to find out. It scares me."

I looked at her, and moved my hand to cradle her face. "Kara, hey, look at me." She looked up straight into my eyes. "Look, don't worry, okay? James won't say a thing if he finds out. I promise you. It'll be fine. I'm by your side." 

"Thank you Lena." I said whilst pulling her into a warm hug. 

"Kara, can I at least as you something?" She nodded at me as we pulled away from the embrace. "Why are you so scared? About the gay undertones between us? I mean not that we have any?" 

"I.. uh.. I just.. I don't want people to think we're together. I mean I wouldn't care if we was, it could ruin your reputation, being with me. You're perfect. And I'm just.. Kara"

Kara looked down to the floor, she seemed upset and embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Lena. I didn't mean to come across as selfish. I just.. your career is important, I don't want to ruin it by false information going around" 

I knew she was lying to me. Crinkle. It wasn't just about my career. There was something else. I don't want to push for it though. I don't want to make her uncomfortable. But I'm so damn curious to find out what else it was about. 

"It's okay. You're more important than my career. I'm the CEO. The boss of everyone at L-Corp. And now I own CatCo which means I'm also the boss there. Even if there were gay undertones, Kara Danvers, people would have to deal with it. And you're not just Kara. You're beautiful, and funny. You're the biggest dork ever. And that is what I love about you."


	4. Chapter 4

KARAS POV

After the conversation Lena and I just had we made our way to L-Corp, Lena had work to do, so did I. We wanted to do it together, 

What Lena had just said to me made me have butterflies in my stomach. I know that sounds cliché but it was the weirdest yet best feeling I've ever had. What I feel for Lena is.. indescribable. She's my best friend though. There's no way Lena could ever have that mutual feeling. No way. Which honestly broke my heart even at the thought of it. I've been thinking about telling her, you know? But at the same time I'm just like, how can I tell her I love her more than a friend when I can't even tell her I'm Supergirl? 

Believe me, I would've told Lena. Years ago. But if I exposed myself to her, she could get hurt. I don't want that. I can't see her hurt. It's also because, well, it's too late now. We've known each other for years if and well if told her, I.. I could lose her and.. I just can't lose her. But I need to tell her. I need to do it now.

My thoughts were interrupted by Lena calling my name. "Kara? You alright there? You zoned out for a moment. We was talking about Supergirl and how we need an interview with her." 

"Oh uh yep. Okay. I can do that for you." I replied. 

We've been working since 4:25pm. It's now 9:53pm. Although, I've liked spending time with Lena. We've spoken about things I've never told anyone, and vice versa. 

I needed to tell her. I just needed it out of my system, off my shoulders. I can't keep something like this from her anymore. I'm going to tell her, even if she hates me. 

I suddenly became very anxious and I started to shake. Telling Lena something as big as this isn't the easiest thing I've had to do in my life. Everyone else just guessed or I had to tell them for the sake of working at the DEO with Alex. 

Lena had noticed I was distracted from our work and that I was shaken up. She walked over to me, sat down and put her arms around me. I felt safe. More safe than I have ever felt in my life. I'm going to lose her. I'm going to miss having her be affectionate towards me. I'm going to miss her. 

"Kara.. what is wrong? You've been like this for 15 minutes now. I'm not leaving you until you tell me what's making you feel like this." This is the most dreadful thing I've had to do. Lena is my best friend, the love of my life and I'm about to lose her by saying two god damn words. Oh Rao. I know I'm going to lose her, she once said to me "If I found out something from someone I cared about and loved so much, I don't think I could face them ever again." 

I looked at her emerald eyes and a tear started to fall down my face. This is the first time I've ever cried in front of Lena. I was always strong around her because she's been through tons and needs someone there for her. I took a deep breath. I had to do this. It was now or never. 

"Lena I need to tell you something. And you're going to hate me." I told her with a devastating look in my eyes. 

"That sounds really deceptive. I'd never hate you Kara. You know that." 

"Lena.. you will." I pulled away from the hold she had me in. "You will never talk to me again, you'll hate me. I just need to tell you this beforehand: I will never stop thinking the world of you. You are truly the best person I know and the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Whatever happens now, will never change what I think of you."

"Uh.. okay." She whispered.

I took my glasses off and let my hair down. 

"I'm Supergirl."


	5. Chapter 5

KARAS POV

"L..Lena? Can you say something? Anything? Please?" I begged, I started looking at the ground. I don't want to move my head because I'm distressed, I don't know what her reaction is. I'm terrified to find that out. 

Until she spoke.

"What? What do you mean? Why would you lie to me?." she spoke up with an upsetting tone. "I've trusted you all this time with everything"

"Lena.. I didn't want to keep it from  
you.. you have to understand that." 

I was interrupted by hearing Lena let out a cry. 

"Kara just stop!" she shouted. "I let you in and you lied to me, everyday, to my face about who you are. I gave you my all and you just threw it back in my face." 

I had seen Lena hurt before, but this was a different kind of pain she has ever experienced. And it was because of me. All I ever wanted, in fact all I ever needed was for Lena to be happy. And because of me she's not going to get that for a long time. I feel guilty. But it's nothing I can change now. What I said can never be taken back. I wish it could be.

"Lena I.. I'm sor.. sorry. I didn't want to keep this from you. I should've told you right from the start, and if I could go back and change my choices I would. Believe me.. I would do anything." I cried. "I just.."

"You what Kara?" 

"I wanted to protect you. I couldn't risk losing you." 

"You've already lost me Kara. You need to leave. I can't be here with you anymore. I just.. I can't." She got up and walked back to her desk hiding her tears from me.

Just before I walked out the door she spoke.

"The worst part about this is the fact that I still love you. And I don't want too." 

I glanced at her and she looked up at me. We just looked into each other's eyes for a split second. I could see how broken she was just by her eyes. Tears fell out her eyes and she quickly wiped them away and went back to working.

"I'm sorry." I muttered before walking out of her office. She loved me?


	6. Chapter 6

LENAS POV

It's funny isn't it? Letting your guard down to someone you love and trust so much only to find out they've been lying to you for months, years in fact. Trusting them with everything, telling them your deepest and darkest secrets while they can't tell you their own.

I can't say whether the reasons why Kara didn't tell me is the truth or not. To protect me? Or because it was too late? Who knows. I'm devastated. 

I loved and I trusted Kara, I mean sure, it was stupid of me to not find out on my own. Thinking about it, Kara and Supergirl are exactly alike. Same luscious blonde hair, same ocean blue eyes, same features. And I couldn't guess. I guess maybe I knew deep deep deep down. I had a strong connection to both of them, well just them, I guess. So maybe deep down I knew but didn't want to admit it for this exact reason. Losing my best friend and the person I wanted to grow old with. 

Sure, I am pissed at Kara. The thing is now, I don't think I'll be strong enough to face her again. And that's going to be hard since she's one person acting as two people. She'll be at the DEO. She'll be at CatCo. She'll be on television. She will be everywhere. And somehow I need to avoid her. This is going to be hard. I know every time I see her it'll be a struggle. We won't have our lunch dates every Tuesday and Friday afternoon. We won't have girl nights. We won't text each other anymore. We won't do anything. That hurts me. I've never confided in anyone before. But when I met Kara that day she came into my office with Clark, that was the day I knew someone very special was coming into my life. Someone I could actually confide in.

Twenty minutes passed and I decided it was time to leave and go home. I got there and changed into something comfortable and just laid in bed.

Overthinking as per usual. About Kara. The one time I want my mind to move away from  
her it doesn't. I don't want to think about her anymore. It puts me in more and more pain every time. Tears started to fall down my cheeks and thats when I had just about enough. I called Kara. I needed this anger out and I needed this anger out now. 

It's been a few minutes since I called, no answer. 4 times. Until she finally picked up. 

CALL DIAL

"Don't talk. Just listen."


	7. Chapter 7

LENAS POV

"Look. I know you said you kept it from me to protect me and because it was too late but was I doubt that's the truth. To be honest I don't know what's the truth anymore. Not only from you but from everyone. James, Alex, Nia, Brainy, Kelly. They all knew right? I mean of course Alex did. The rest though? I don't know."

I sighed. Tears started to form in my eyes and I needed to fight them. 

"I just.. Kara I trusted you with everything. Meanwhile you couldn't trust me with anything. Is it because I'm a Luthor? I know my brother tried to kill your cousin but did you think I would do that to you? I'm not my brother. I'm not any of my family. You even said that, Kara. Was that the truth? Or was it just plain lies? You made me believe everything you said about me. I'm guessing now I shouldn't of.." I said whilst holding in my tears and fighting the urge to just scream at Kara. 

"It's crazy what a person can make you think right? Especially if it was someone you had so much faith in." And then the anger kicked in. I couldn't fight it anymore.

"Just why would you do this?! How dare you! I gave you my all, I never complained about anything!! And you have the audacity to not tell me something as big as this! Jokes on me then huh?!" 

I was stood in my lounge, facing my window, tears running down my face. I could hear Kara crying her eyes out through the phone. And a part of me felt guilty, another part of me.. didn't care.

"Lena please just give me a chance to-" Kara managed to get that out before I cut her off again.

"A chance to what? Explain? You can't explain anything now. You're a liar. You lied to me. And you know what? You know what the worst thing is? I love you. Yes I said it. I love you and your stupid lies. And I can't stop. Because when you really love someone you just.. you don't stop okay? I wish I didn't love you. But I do. And that's on you for making me believe that you're a good person when you're not."

My throat felt tight, I needed this conversation to end before I had a big breakdown.

"You know what Kara, this was a waste of my time. Don't bother speaking to me. Ever."

I hung up. I crawled under my bed covers and bawled my eyes out until I fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

KARAS POV

"You know what Kara, this was a waste of my time. Don't bother speaking to me. Ever." 

That was something I never thought I'd hear from Lena. And to be completely honest, my heart is shattered. Having someone I adore so much say that.. it's like having an arrow shot through your heart. Of course I wouldn't know what that's like but you get where I am coming from. 

When she ended the call I didn't exactly know what to do. I mean what could I do. I lost my best friend. Someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And this situation is so unbelievably.. devastating. 

She told me she loved me. I never got a chance to say it back. As much as I wanted too, I just couldn't. My relationship with Lena is complicated. No, was complicated. We were best friends, yes but come to think of it.. James was correct when he said there were 'gay undertones'. I can see it now, looking back at our friendship.

What sucks most is that Lena wasn't just my best friend, I mean she was literally family to me. I confided in her and she did the same to me. Until I met Lena, I had no one in my life who was as special, loving and caring as she is. (Besides Alex and J'onn of course) but with Lena it was just different.

I knew I loved her since the first day we met. And as cliché as that sounds, I know that it's true. I mean, of course the word love is a strong word but I've never felt this way about anyone. Not even Mon-el. There was just something different about Lena and the way we acted around each other. It was a good kind of different. Now it's just all gone. 

Look, don't get me wrong, Lena and I was probably bound to love each other. As friends though, not in a way best friends shouldn't. I would do anything to not feel the way I do about Lena, and I'm sure as of this moment she feels the same as I do. But this is how it is, and that's how it's going to be for a while. For me of course, not Lena I guess. This is a different kind of love, but it's the best and worst thing I've ever felt. 

What hurts the most now is that I won't get my happy ending, and neither will Lena. It hurts more than I could ever say.

I didn't know what to do with myself after that call, I kept overthinking. I needed to just cry into someone's shoulder. I needed someone to just hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I needed Lena. I just.. I needed her warm hug. I needed to feel safe in her arms. I couldn't have that though. That stings.

I called Alex after about 30 minutes of sobbing.

"Uh.. Al.. Alex. Can I come over? I need you right now. Please."


	9. Chapter 9

KARAS POV

"Alex, I just don't know what I'm meant to do. I lost her. There's no going back from that." I cried.

"Kar, you never know. She could be just shocked. She'll understand why you kept it from her." Alex replied 

"But you don't know that, neither do I. She literally said never to speak to her again. That gives me an impression that she hates me and that I've lost her."

"You seem more upset than a best friend should be right now.. you love her don't you? More than a best friend should."

All I could do was just look at Alex and nod. I wanted to say so much but barely anything would come out.

"Of course I do Alex. Why wouldn't I? I know it's a bad combination, a Super and a Luthor but hell, I love her more than anything. I loved Mon-el, sure, but Lena? Lena is different. I don't just love her, I'm in love with her. Like you are Kelly. I don't know it's just.. stupid. I guess."

I walked off into the spare room at Alex's house and just laid on top of the bed. I hated myself. I miss Lena.

THE NEXT DAY

You know, it's crazy how much urge I have to message Lena. It's all I want to do. I just want to send a message and ask to take her out to lunch like we used too. 

I want to tell her I miss her, do I have the guts? No. Not at all. I have the urge too, but I won't. I can't.

If I'm completely honest, I'm just stuck in the middle. Do I confront Lena? Do I just give her space? I mean, in the call she told me to never talk to her again which I mean obviously means give her space, but she also wants to know why I kept it from her. Maybe I'll leave it for a few days. Then make an unexpected visit.

It might sound completely crazy and out of the blue and why I'm even suggesting this to myself, I have no idea why, but even though she hates me and it tears me apart to even know she does, I'm going to tell her how I really feel.

When she said she loved me.. I guess it was in a friend way? But I'm not entirely sure. Either way, if she feels the same or not, I need to tell her. Like I told her I am Supergirl. It's just something I need to do. 

What've I got to lose right? I've already lost the most important person to me. I've got nothing else left to lose. Why the heck not? It'll be fine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a longer chapter btw lol

LENAS POV

It's been 2 weeks since Kara told me she's Supergirl. I think it's safe to say I've lost all self control. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I've been betrayed by everyone I've ever met. I would've never thought my best friend would do that to me. You know? But she did. I hate to say that I'm used to it.

I've even had a visit from Alex. The first half of the conversation was her saying how sorry she was. The other half was how I needed to get back to the DEO and do something useful for the world instead of sitting around drinking my feelings. 

She told me something which to me was really kind and I don't think I'll forget those words. She said, "Kara Danvers is my favourite person. And she has saved me more times than Supergirl ever has." Which thinking about it now. I relate to her in a way. But I don't know if I can forgive Kara for what she's done to me.

She was right. I needed to do that. I haven't seen Kara in two weeks though. How can I face her? I don't think I can. But maybe I should just put our differences to the side. The world is more important. Kind of. Who knows.

THE NEXT DAY  
LENAS POV

First day back at the DEO. Scared? Yes. Probably going to be emotional? Yes. One thousand percent. On both of those. 

I finally got to the top of the DEO floor and everyone there was welcoming me back. I told them I was seriously ill. So that was a save, I guess. And that's when I saw her. Talking to J'onn about something that had just gone on down town. 

They were arguing about something. But I just froze instead of listening, if I'm honest. Kara had turned around and looked straight at me. We had no idea what to do. I snapped out of my gaze and quickly walked to my lab. What. In. The. World. I hated that. I hated it. We just stood there. Looking at each other. That moment was all I could think of whilst setting up my equipment.

Although, my thoughts got cut off by someone walking slowly towards my room. I saw red. I saw blue. It was Kara. 

"Mind if I come in?" She asked, she sounded nervous.

I nodded. 

She hesitated before she walked in. 

"I need to explain myself." She told me whilst looking down at the floor. 

"What I did was.. horrible. I made a mistake and I'm sorry. If I could take it all back then I would. I have so much to say but I mean you probably don't want to hear it. Because you know, I've hurt you and everything. Look, Lena.. I know you hate me for what I've done. And I know you told me you never wanted to talk to me again, and all the other things you told me, I just really needed to see you. And I guess, if you want the real real reason why I didn't tell you just ask whenever you need too. Please?"

"Okay. What is the real reason you didn't tell me then, Kara?" I asked, focused on something other than her. 

I looked up to her and I could see she was about to break down in front of me. Looking at her like that, there was just a part of me that needed to go and hug her. Another part, well she doesn't concern me anymore so why should I care?

She got an alert which was clearly fake as none of the DEO agents were acting like a big problem had happened.

"I.. I'm sorry Lena I have to go. J'onn and Alex needs me."

"Yes, of course they do. Such a convenient time right Kara? This is why I can't believe you. Because you tell me things and they're always lies! This is stupid. If you can't tell me the truth then don't communicate with me. I've had enough, Kara. I'm done with you, I'm done with Supergirl. I'm done with this. Whatever happens next is on you. Not me. Now you should just go." I said angrily.

Wow. I really did that. It was completely understandable why I said all of that though. But necessary? Ugh. Who knows at this point. 

She walked out as fast as she could without using her powers.

And that was the end of it. The tension between us, it was horrible. I hated it. But I need to not care. I really needed that.

I was mad she left, in all honestly I thought she'd stay. Fight for me. Fight for us. If there was an us. But she didn't. She just left. Okay. 

A FEW HOURS LATER

I was still working in my lab. It was a special device to try and stop Kryptonite from hurting Kara. We weren't friends anymore, of course, but National City needs their hero. And then my work was cut off by Alex walking in quite hastily, actually. I looked up fast.

"What in the world?! You really did that to Kara?! You shouted at her like she meant nothing to you those past three years? After everything she's done for you, you just stab her in the back and make her look like the bad person? It was just a small thing. You're acting like your whole world was crushed when it wasn't! She kept you safe. She protected you. She did everything for you. You're the bad person, Lena. You're a-" was all she managed to say before Kara walked in. 

"Alex! Leave her alone." Kara shouted as she pulled her sister out of the room. 

It looked like they were having a feisty conversation out there, well that was until Alex stormed away before Kara could finish her sentence. 

She looked at me from outside and mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to me. And then walked away. 

A crazy crazy night. I did not expect this at my first day back in a while. Not at all. I packed everything away and headed home, I was definitely done for the day. That was so horrible. 

————————————————————————


	11. Chapter 11

LENAS POV

I knew what Alex was going to say to me. She was going to tell me I'm a Luthor after all. She isn't wrong, though. My family history isn't great, at all. Lionel, my father, however, wasn't the worst. He took me in after my mother died, he was an okay man. But yes, it's true I am a Luthor. I'm expected to not be good. But I am. I try to be.

If Kara didn't come in when she did, Alex would've said the words I expected. It would've done more than hurt me, it hurts without it even being said. But what was I to do? Nothing. Crazy huh? Things can be so... devastating. 

I was about to head off to sleep until I heard a knock on the door. Who in the world was this? 

KARAS POV

I couldn't believe what Alex was about to say to Lena. I know I'm hurt because of her but that doesn't give Alex the right to say that to the person I love and adore. 

I decided to give Lena a visit.

THIRTY FIVE MINUTES LATER

Whoa. Okay. I'm doing this. I can do this. One. Two. Three. And I knocked.

It took Lena about 30 seconds to get to the door. 

"Oh, Kara. What are you doing here? It's nearly two am and I told you to leave me alone. You remember that right?" 

"Yeah. I just I wanted to apologise."

Lena held the door open for me to come in, so I walked in, and she shut the door behind me.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. About what happened at the DEO, Alex was completely out of order, I spoke to her she said she was just angry because of.." was all I managed to get out after Lena cut me off.

"Because of us." Lena sighed. 

"Yeah.. because of us." I replied.

"Look, Kara, I know you're hurting. I know you're upset but did you need to tell Alex? That's put an even bigger strain on our relationship with each other."

"I didn't tell her. She heard, through the cameras. I forgot about them, I'm sorry."

"Oh, oh okay." Lena sounded quite upset after I said that, who knows why. 

"If you want me to go I will." I told her shyly.

As I said that Lena walked to her kitchen, and stayed facing the complete opposite way from me.

"No, I think we really need to have a conversation. I know we've had plenty, but this time just from the heart. We can cry as much as we need to, shout as much as we need to. Do whatever, especially without cameras spying on us."

"Oh uh yeah sure. I don't mind. Go ahead, Lena."

Silence overtook the room as we stood there. I was looking at the ground, she was looking away from me. 

"I don't let my guard down, ever, and I.." I could tell she was trying to fight back tears, because so was I. "I did with you, and.. and you betrayed me. I let you in and you lied to me, everyday, to my face about who you was. And that's what hurts, Kara. You've made me believe that, whatever we had, was just a lie."

"Lena.." I sighed.

Lena turned around to face me, she took two steps forward and we were closer than we've been before. I was still looking at the ground, too anxious to look directly at her. She placed her hand under my chin and lifted my face up to look at her. Tears just kept falling down my face, they were uncontrollable. She gave me an apologetic look, then proceeded with the conversation. 

"I'm sure you have more reasons to as why you kept what you did from me, and I'm sure the reasons you gave me before are valid, but.. I have even more reasons to why I shouldn't forgive you. And why I'm as sad and as mad as I am." 

My look of hope quickly faded away after Lena said what she just said. I had an urge to just say those three words. I love you. But was I brave enough? No. Would she believe me? Probably not. That hurts to know. Or at least to just think. There's no way she would ever forgive me.

This process.. it's not easy, but here we are. 

"I'm so sorry." I blurted out as my voice broke. 

I meant it, more than anything. Of course I did. We stayed looking into each other's eyes, the only sound was us trying our hardest not to cry as much as we wanted and needed too.

Minutes after she then cupped my face in her hands. And she pulled my forehead close to hers. They touched, she wiped my tears away. 

"Why did a Luthor have to love a Super?" She whispered. But of course I heard it.

She pulled away fast and walked across her to her kitchen after she realised what was happening. 

"You need to go, Kara. Please."

"Lena.." It was quiet for a split second. I let out a cry.

"Please just go." 

So I did. I just left. I could hear her sobbing after I left. Why did I do this? I hate myself.


	12. Chapter 12

KARAS POV

There was disparity between me and Lena and it was clearly obvious. I tried to tell her, but every time I do try, it's like she knows what I'm going to say to her. She just completely cuts me off and tells me to leave. 

I don't know why she does, maybe it's just a complete and utter coincidence. I'm prepared to just say it now. I think it's time. I really do. 

About thirty minutes later, Alex called me. She told me that Lillian and Lex Luthor has escaped from prison, yet again. Great. Now I have to confront Lena, and she does not want that. I know from the thousands of times she's told me.

A WEEK LATER  
KARAS POV

A week has past and Lillian and Lex are nowhere to be found. I still haven't told Lena. She's been isolating herself ever since that day between us. It's been been hard, staying away from her, but I need to respect her wishes, you know? 

Considering how long it's been since Lillian and Lex have escaped, I'm sure Lena knows by now. It's been National City's only thing to talk about. Everyone is scared, and if I'm honest so am I. They're capable of anything, who knows what they'll do.

I've spent all day at the DEO trying to track Lillian and Lex, whilst also fighting some rogue aliens. But they're still nowhere to be found.

Nothing had been found for the next week. Lena still wasn't in work, so I told myself enough of the distance, I'm calling her.

She didn't pick up so I left a voicemail.

"Hey, Lena. I know I'm the last person you want speak to right now but I just wanted to check up on you. I'm guessing you've heard about Lillian and Lex. I'm so sorry. 

I know we're not not on the best terms but if you need someone, I'm here. Always. Things will be okay soon, I promise. 

\- Kara"

Days and days pass but still no call from Lena, not even a text message. So instead, I called Jess. She would know, surely.

"Hey Jess."

"Hello Miss Danvers, how can I help you?"

"Kara please, and I'm actually looking for Lena. Has she checked in with your or L-Corp? Anything at all? Has she said she's going anywhere?"

"Indeed she has, Kara, she came here with her mother and some other man. Not sure who the man was, however. I'm sure you'll recognise him, I'll send some footage over to you. They also said they was going to a place called 'Shelley Island. I'm not familiar though. Also the footage has sent."

"Thanks Jess, means a lot. Bye now." 

After I ended the call I looked at the footage and started panicking, I needed to get to the DEO as soon as possible. I flew over as fast as I could.

"ALEX! ALEX! WHERE IN RAO'S NAME ARE YOU?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. 

"Kara calm down what is it? What's wrong?" Alex tried reassuring me but it was barely working. 

"They have her Alex. Lillian and Lex. They have Lena." I struggled to breathe. "They have Lena. We need to get her, now, please we need to get her." 

I showed her the footage Jess sent to me. 

"Where are they?"

"They're at Shelley Island. We need to go, Alex. Please." I begged. 

LENAS POV

I overheard Lex and Lillian speaking about planning to kill Supergirl. She's always the target, it's horrible.

"Alright so we're doing this, yes, mother?"

"Of course, my darling Lex. Let's end this, forever."

I got up from the ground and walked over to them, there was a huge wall full of plans. Tubs of Kryptonite. When they said they're going to kill Supergirl, they meant it. Oh wait, they're Luthors after all.

"You're really doing this then, huh? Defaming your enemies? That's despicable." I scowled at my mother and brother.

"We're Luthors, honey. The Supers have done nothing but bad. Superman is gone, now it's time for Supergirl. Don't you think?" Lillian told me with a smirk on her face.

"It's stupid."

"That's where you're wrong, sis. You're going to help us. Whether you like it or not." Lex grabbed my arm with no regret. 

"Lena, the love I have for you is real, you should know that. We're doing this for our family. For all of us."

I laughed. "If you loved me, you would've showed it when I walked into your house. If I knew what I was getting into, I wouldn't of had choice with what happened that day."

And that's when it all went pitch black.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MCD

MCD (Major Character Death) 

KARAS POV

"Well well well! If it isn't the Girl of Steel I've been keeping tabs on!" 

I wondered who it was turning around within a second. I was shocked to see who it was.

"Lex? Lillian?" I looked to the floor to see someone I wish I didn't.

Lena.

"LENA!" I shouted. "What the hell did you do to her! What do you want!"

After Lex and Lillian showed up every agent in the DEO's gun was held up, pointing at them.

What was happening?

That was when I felt an aching pain. The one I described to Lena. Nails running through my blood. Scratching feeling. I looked up.

Kryptonite. 

Lex and Lillian shot me. They just shot me, with kryptonite.

Again, and again.

You see, I know they've always wanted to kill a Super. Well, I know that they did kill a Super. Kal-El. My cousin, yes. They wanted him dead, and they achieved that. They want me dead. And they'll achieve it. 

This is what I deserve. I hurt Lena. This is what I deserve. Death. 

I hurt her. I made her feel low, and I will never forgive myself for that. I don't want to fight this. I can't fight this. Yet, I know Lena would want me too, despite everything that I've done. She would want me here, I know she would. Deep down I know that she would. 

I fell to my knees, it was expected but this time it was slower than normal. It was like slow motion, just, well not.

I laid there, on the floor, in unbearable pain. It was excruciating. 

Alex and the rest of the agents were about to shoot. "No stop it! Leave them be! Leave me alone." I shouted at them

"It was that easy, huh? Look at her, Mother. One of of two, soon to be a full house. It's as easy as that." Lex laughed. It was classic of him to do it, I remember Lena telling me about her childhood.

Lena.

I look over to her, she's still there. Laying down, not moving. But she's breathing. She's breathing. She's okay. 

"Why.. why are you doing this. It'll only lead to something you don't want. You'll go to jail, again. Spend your entire life in there." I screamed. 

"We're doing this, because you're investing Earth. Earth was made for the humans, not for the roaches. Roaches like you." 

Alex and the DEO agents were standing there. All guns were facing Lex and Lillian. 

I felt myself starting to go unconscious. 

"You know, if I die, at least I die being somebody I wanted to be. Someone who helped the world. I was someone, the only one, who gave love to your daughter when she needed it the most." I said, breathing slowly with every word. 

"I'm a better person than both of you combined will ever be. You can't top that."

Lillian walked over to me and grabbed my suit by my neck. "You are weak. You're a disgrace. You say you helped people but where were you when the 'love of your life' Lena, needed you. Nowhere to be seen. You deserve nothing. Nothing but death."

And with that last note, she raised her gun. And shot me once more in the heart. I took my last breath and said the only words I could. 

"Alex, I love you. Give.. i.. it.. to Lena." 

And that was it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so karas death was a bit anticlimatic lol

* * *

LENAS POV

I woke up and I felt like I had just been hit by a bus. My body ached. So did my head. I was just in complete agony.

It took me a while to remember the events that had previously happened. A maximum amount of 10 minutes I'd say.

The first thought that came to my mind was...

"KARA!" I shouted out. My voice was trembling, my hands were shaky.

"Lena." Alex replied. "We should talk."

From the look on Alex's face, the shiny tear marks down her face, and from her currently holding back her tears... it was bad news.

"First off, Lex and Lillian.. they've been taken to a maximum security prison. They won't be getting out, I can assure you. And.."

"I've seen that look before, Alex. She's.." Even thinking about it, made my heart break. I could feel it.

"Yeah, Lena. She's gone." Alex told me, tears beginning to fall down her face. Voice cracking. Everything you wouldn't want to hear, or see, happening. Right in front of you.

I was numb, no words, no tears. Nothing. Nothing at all. I climbed out of the bed, walked over to Alex and just hugged her.

"I am so, so sorry. I'm so sorry my family did this." I managed to get out.

"It's not your fault, Lena. You aren't like them. I'm sorry for ever assuming that you was." Alex held her grip on me, still crying as she spoke.

"There's something Kara wanted me to give you." She handed a memory stick and a huge book to me. "I'll leave you go home and read, and listen. Don't hesitate to call me if you need a shoulder to cry on. I'll be there. Oh, also, memory stick first. Then the book."

As she began to walk out the door I just managed to say a quick thank you. And with that, I got changed, grabbed the rest of my things and walked out of the medical bay door.

There was agents clearing up blood on the floor. I walked past them as fast as I could, I needed to just get home. So that's exactly what I did.

45 MINUTES LATER

"Okay. Let's do this." I told myself. Hesitantly I plugged the stick into my laptop. I took a deep breath, and started the video.

_"Hey Lena. It's Kara. Well I'm pretty sure you know who I am because I'm on your screen. I think, I don't exactly know how this works. I'm not really into technology.. or at least I think I'm not. I'm rambling."_

I paused the video and I laughed, she rambled a lot. But that's something I loved about her. It was amazing hearing her voice again.

Unpause.

_"So, you must be thinking 'Hey Kara, why are you making this, it's pointless just speak to me instead.' Well, first, we're not exactly okay at the moment, and secondly, this is more treasurable. To me, anyways. I just wanted to say a few things, well not a few, a lot actually. So if you get bored of me then that's okay, you can just head straight to the book because it's all in there too. I've written it down just for you._

_So what I wanted to say was that.."_

This'll be so much to take in, I'm not ready.

Unpause.

_“I'm sorry. For everything, and I know how many times I've said it and I know you probably won't forgive me but I really mean it. I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you. Keeping the fact that I'm Supergirl from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wanted to tell you from the beginning but the DEO first said that I couldn't. Sooner or later, they said it was okay. But that was two years into our friendship. But one day, you were so so angry with me, with Supergirl. But you still loved Kara, and I just kept thinking, if I could be Kara, just Kara. That I could keep you. I have to admit. I was selfish, I was scared.. and I didn't want to lose you. So I kept pretending, and I never stopped. And I am so so sorry for not telling you sooner._

_There are so so many reasons to as why I couldn't tell you. Which I've told you. There are reasons why I wouldn't, which I have also mentioned to you. I just haven't mentioned this one._

_The main and most important reason why I didn't, is because.._

_I'm in love with you."_

Kara Danvers just admitted she was in love with me.

Unpause.

_"Yeah.. I'm in love with you. It may seem unbelievable to you but that book you've got will hopefully convince you otherwise. I would put it all into words but, there's so much I want to say, you'd just get bored of my voice. You probably haven't even listened this far, so I don't why I'm still talking._

_Anyways, I am. I love you, Lena. And I have for a while. I really have. And I'm making this just for you._

_I told Alex to only give this to you if something bad has happened to me. So I guess if you're still listening this far and you're watching this, something bad has happened to me. But hey, I'm in a good place now. You told me I was your hero and the Earths once, well Lena. You are now the Earths hero. Now? Ugh ignore that, what am I thinking. You was the Earths hero ages ago!_

_Lena Luthor, you might not be everyone else's hero. But you will ALWAYS be mine. I promise you._

_Well I should wrap this up because it's sister night. How fun._

_So, Lena. Before I go, I just wanted to say some more._

_You don't know how good you are._   
_ I want you to be happy._   
_ You are impressive._   
_ You are thoughtful._   
_ You are special._

_You will always fall into the light._

_And, I love you._

_Yours truly,_

_Kara."_

I sat there, one single tear rolling down my face.

I let this happen to her, didn't I?

I hurt her, didn't I?

I've now lost her. For good.

I closed my laptop, took out the memory stick and opened my drawer to place the stick inside. And that's when I saw the frame with me and Kara in it and her favourite shirt. I took them out, put my laptop on top of the drawer and the memory stick inside and closed it. I still had the picture in my hands. I laid down, still looking at it.

I looked at her face. I miss it. I miss her.

I grabbed it tightly, clenching onto them as hard as I could and sobbed. I laid there crying, holding the photo and her favourite shirt. It smelled like her,

This is all I have of her now.

I laid still, shedding many tears, holding onto them both until I fell asleep. And that was it.


End file.
